White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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