margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
