marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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