GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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