I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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