Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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