he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
