Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
