If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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