Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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