imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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