Kareoke will never be a sober sport
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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