Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
