3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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