After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just want nice things and good sex
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
