carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
