Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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