he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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