There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
