I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Randomize
