Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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