I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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