capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
