I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
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That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
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She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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