He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
