My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
