I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
