WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
