I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
