Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
