I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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