Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
