operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
