After last night, I could never be a politician.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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