I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
