Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
