she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
