Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
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Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My breasts were aching with rage.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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