he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
