Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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