I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
