we have officially lost it.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
