Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
