My liver just broke up with me...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I checked into jail on foursquare
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Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
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Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted