I wish I could punch you in the face.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face