Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
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This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
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SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.