Cold hands, warm shart.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.