i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.