Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
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It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
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Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂