I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
