Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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