We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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