Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
