I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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