I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
