I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
