remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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