he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
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Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
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Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
sex in a hospital.. check
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
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