so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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