now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
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