mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
