there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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