Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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