i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
