I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
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pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
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Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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