I am in a vortex of obligation.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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