like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
