I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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