I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
