You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
