so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
