I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
