Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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