She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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