friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
