i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He did a backflip because drugs
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
