tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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